The Dutch - This IS the Off-Topic forum, right???

[Towelmaster]

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days Eventually, on the 7th day Michael the Archangel found him resting. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of BALANCE!" "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor, the Middle part will be a hot spot in continues turmoil. Over there, I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to different countries and continents. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."


The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a tiny flat waterland mass in the centre and asked,"What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's HOLLAND, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful rivers, lakes, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Holland are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be fond of travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of world peace. I'm also going to give them superhuman, undefeatable soccer players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them!!! Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed: "What about balance, God? You said there will be balance?" God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loudmouth bastards I'm putting east of them."










(sorry you Germans, couldn't resist...)

[Ranger1]

I personally find it to be funny,but im sure some people will find it offensive

[Towelmaster]

I personally find it to be funny,but im sure some people will find it offensive

Well they make jokes about the dutch in Germany too... And in Belgium, and in France, and in the States, and in..... well, you get the idea...

Besides; you can replace dutch with americans, germans with canadians and east with north and you have a whole new group of offended people.

[Ranger1]

Oh well,still funny,i hope no one will take it too seriously

[Shr'eshhhhhh]

Well as long as you don't mention the war. I did once but I think I got away with it.

[Mariel]

LOL I'm gonna send this one to my mom. She's Dutch, she'll love it.

[Dr Maturin]

While you're at it, send her a copy of Austin Powers In Goldmember.

[Towelmaster]

Well as long as you don't mention the war. I did once but I think I got away with it.

How would you like your goering-salad? HERRING SALAD sorry...

Please please please! don't get me started on Basil...


Here's another one, this one dates back to the cold war. What you need to know is that 'the Spido' is a very nice andfamous touringboat that tours the Rotterdam Harbour(still the biggest in the world). The Euromast is a tower in Rotterdam that looks out over the harbour. :

***

A dutchman, a russian and an american are on board the Spido. The dutchman is getting really annoyed because the american and the russian - who are sitting in front of him - keep bragging about the achievements of their countries and slagging off everything they see.

The american says "you know the White House? We built that in two weeks!" The russian answers "Well do you know the Kremlin? We put that up in two nights so as not to disturb normal traffic"

The boat passes the Euromast and the american says to the russian 'what the hell is that?" The russian is stumped too so they turn to the dutchman behind them : "Can you tell us what that is?"

"I wouldn't know says the dutchman, wasn't here this morning"...