:| Kirk's infamous Kobayashi Maru win, Sulu responding in the affirmative when Pike asked if anybody had received advanced combat training and then explaining later that it was fencing, Spock's "I have been and always shall be your friend," etc. |
| The movie opens with the USS Kelvin being attacked by a large vessel that appeared out of nowhere from an anomaly. The strange ship attacks and then demands that the Kelvin's skipper come aboard for negotiation. The captain does so, leaving his first officer in command. The strange ship's commander is a Romulan and he wants to know where Spock is. The captain is killed and the Romulans begin attacking the Kelvin again. George Kirk, the first officer, evacuates the ship, but manually flies the Kelvin into the enemy ship. Before impact, his wife tells him that the baby was born during the battle. They name him Jim. Years later, Jim is shown to be a hellion. On Vulcan, a young Spock is goaded into a fight by some other Vulcan boys. Later, his father explains the Vulcan way to him, about controlling his anger and emotions. Flash forward again and Kirk enters a bar and hits on a Starfleet cadet named Uhuru. Her male peers do not take kindly to this and a fight ensues. Eventually, they gang up on Kirk and beat the snot out of him. Captain Pike enters and breaks up the fight. He then tells Kirk about his father and encourages him to join Starfleet. Kirk checks out a ship being built (on the ground) and that's it for him. He shows up the next day and leaves on the shuttle to the Academy. On the shuttle, he meets Leonard McCoy. On Vulcan, the council is about to accept Spock into the Vulcan Science Academy. They make a comment about his human heritage being a liability and he refuses to accept their offer. Three years later, and they take the Kobayashi Maru test...and win. The designer of the test is befuddled. That designer's name is Spock. A board of admirals holds an inquiry over Kirk's cheating on the test. The hearing is interrupted by a message: Vulcan is under attack. The cadets are rushed to assignment. Kirk does not have an assignment due to suspension. McCoy gets him onto the Enterprise on a technicality (more on that later). Pike finds out that Kirk is on board and is at first unhappy about it. Once at Vulcan, he changes his mind after they discover that the other Starfleet ships have been destroyed. After a short battle, the Romulan commander demands that Pike come over for negotiations. Pike makes Spock acting captain and Kirk first officer. Kirk, Sulu and a random red shirt board the shuttle with Pike and "jump" into the atmosphere before Pike gets to the enemy ship. The three are headed for a superweapon "drill" that protrudes from the Romulan ship. The red shirt dies because he didn't pull his chute in time. Kirk and Sulu fight off the crew of the platform and destroy the drill. But it's too late; Vulcan's destruction is imminent. Spock beams down to rescue his parents. Before they can beam out, his mother falls as the cliff face collapses. The planet is destroyed. Back on the Enterprise, Kirk and Spock have a disagreement over the next course of action and Spock has Kirk marooned on a planet. There is a Starfleet installation on the planet, so Kirk heads for it, but he is attacked by two different beasts. He enters a cave and is chased, but a figure fights off the creature with a torch. That figure is...Spock. An old Spock. He reveals that he is from the future. A star was going to go supernova, so Spock had a plan to use a substance to create a black hole in order to prevent the phenomenon from destroying Romulus. It was not done on time and the planet was destroyed. The Romulan commander and Spock, in their respective ships, were transported back 120 years. The Romulan commander tortures Pike for information on Earth's defenses, as it is next on his list. Pike only gives his name and rank. Then, a scene resembling something from ST2 ensues. Old Spock takes Kirk to the Starfleet installation and they meet Scotty, who is unhappy with his assignment, and his alien counterpart. Old Spock gives Scotty some information that the engineer would discover in the future: how to beam at warp speed. Kirk and Scotty beam on to the Enterprise, leaving Old Spock, as the Vulcan said that his counterpart could not know of his presence. He also tells Kirk how to take command of the Enterprise, as it should be. Kirk and Scotty are taken to the bridge and Kirk provokes Spock into attacking him. Only his father can stop him from killing Kirk. Spock stands down from command due to irrational behavior. Kirk sets course for the Romulan ship. Once they catch up, they find that Romulans have deployed a "drill" on Earth. Kirk and Spock beam onto the enemy ship. Spock steals his future self's ship and gets the Romulans to chase him. Kirk fights Romulans on the ship and finds Pike. Spock sets a collision course with the enemy ship. Before he hits, the Enterprise drops out of warp and beams him, Kirk and Pike to safety. Scotty becomes a miracle worker and gets the Enterprise away from the black hole created by the collision of Old Spock's ship and the Romulan ship. Back on Earth, Kirk is promoted to captain to take the place of Pike, who has been promoted to Admiral. Old Spock speaks with Spock and tells him to stay in Starfleet. He tells him that he wanted him and Kirk to become friends because they could accomplish a lot together. Another classic line here where the younger Spock is surprised that Old Spock lied to Kirk. The response? "I...implied." Spock offers his services as first officer. Kirk accepts. The end. |
| The technicality that McCoy used to get Kirk on board was fine: He injected him with a disease and said that as Kirk's primary care provider he had to take him on board. Once there, he gives him an antibiotic that has a side effect: Kirk's hands puff up. It doesn't last long and the constant hypos by McCoy are hilarious, but the scene screamed SW prequel. Speaking of SW, the scene on the planet where Kirk was being chased by creatures could have been written by Lucas. Kirk was chased by a wolf-like beast, which is then killed by a large insect-like monster (think "There's always a bigger fish.") This CG just wasn't ST. There is also a scene where Scotty is beamed into a large pipe. This also reeked of failed SW humor. Then in the fight scene on the platform, Sulu does oneùjust oneùsideways flip a la Darth Maul. It looked out of place. With all of that being said, these scenes/shots were not long. I didn't like the way that McCoy got the name "Bones." When they met, he told Kirk that Starfleet was the only place that he had to go, as his wife took everything but his bones. We all know that he got the name from "sawbones," slang for surgeons of old, who would literally saw your bones off due to infection of limbs. This movie is a bit short. I could have done with more of Nero, the Romulan commander. Now, this isn't necessarily my complaint, but the rumor is true: They change ST continuity in this movie. It isn't a reboot, per se, as they acknowledge that the timeline interruption created an alternate universe. Things are not reset in this movie. Pike is admiral (he was only Fleet Captain in "The Menagerie"), Vulcan is gone, Amanda is dead, Starleet is not surprised at the look of the Romulans (first visual contact was supposed to be in "Balance of Terror"), etc. From what I've heard, they plan to make sequels, and this movie leaves it wide open. In my opinion, it's a reboot. They need to call it what it is. |
| Surprisingly, I didn't get a Brady Bunch Movie spoof vibe from any of the characters. Scotty might have come close, but he was genuinely funny. The line from the TV ads (and my paraphrase at the beginning of this post) was better in the movie. After Kirk and Spock's fight, there is a moment of silence and Scotty exclaims "I like this ship! It's exciting!" And then later: "I beamed two people onto one pad! I've never done that before!" His alien counterpart also had the potential for disaster, but there are a few cute scenes with him. "Get down from there!" There was a funny scene with Sulu in the beginning when Pike orders warp speed. Sulu couldn't do it and Pike asks him if he's a pilot. Sulu says that he is (remember, early in the series he was a botanist). Fantastic part for nerds there. Chekov was good. Uhuru was fine. Spock, Kirk and McCoy were good in my opinion. In fact, McCoy was excellent. Bana did a good job as Nero, but I think we should have been given more. The "less is more" rule did not apply here. If you're going to make a villain enigmatic, then do it. If not, then give us more. |
| Having a red-shirt appear out of nowhere for the away mission and then dying minutes later! |
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