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a basic thread for jokes, rules add a joke
Whats the last thing a redneck says...........
"hey ya'll watch this"
Whats the last thing a redneck says...........
"hey ya'll watch this"
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eggs and bacon, a mornings work for a chiken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Phaze
on the "no further IDs from me in this thread" ID"There are no good wars. War is always the worst possible way to resolve differences. It degenerates and corrupts both sides to ever more sordid levels of existence, in their need to gain an advantage over the enemy. Those actively involved in combat are almost always damaged goods for the rest of their lives. If their bodies don't bear scars, their minds do, ofttimes both. Many have said it before, but it can't be said to enough, war is hell. " -
A prestigious university wants to study the nature of math. First they ask a mathematician, ôWhatÆs 2+2?ö The mathematician immediately replies, ô4.ö Next, they ask an economist the same question. The economist thinks for a moment and replies, ôWell, out of context it can be difficult to determine with any great accuracy, but making some assumptions based on normally prevailing conditions, I would be fairly confident that the answer would lie somewhere between 3 and 5.ö Finally, they ask a lawyer. The lawyer stands, draws the blinds, comes back, leans close, and says in a quiet voice, ôWhat do you need it to be?ö"That was the law, as set down by Valen. Three castes: worker, religious, warrior."Comment
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A Chinese husband and wife are in bed. The husband rolls over to his wife and says, "I want a 69!"
She looks at him and asks, "Why do you want beef and broccoli now?"Got movies? www.filmbuffonline.comComment
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A cowboy, an Indian and a Muslim were flying over the southwest US. The Indian looks out the window and says, "This used to be ours until the cowboy killed us and stole it." The Muslim peers down with a smile and comments, "It will be ours soon." The cowboy looks at the Muslim and says, "Apparently, you've never played cowboys and Muslims."Recently, there was a reckoning. It occurred on November 4, 2014 across the United States. Voters, recognizing the failures of the current leadership and fearing their unchecked abuses of power, elected another party as the new majority. This is a first step toward preventing more damage and undoing some of the damage already done. Hopefully, this is as much as will be required.Comment
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A physicist, a chemist and an economist were stranded on a desert island with a can of food, and no can opener to open it.
The physicist said, "If we climb a palm tree, and drop it on some rocks, the force generated will be enough to pop the can open."
The chemist said, "If we light a fire under the can, the pressure created when it boils will pop it open.
The economist said, "Assume a can opener."
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Three economists decide to go hunting. They outfit themselves with all the appropriate equipment, engage a local guide and head out into the woods. After herding them through the woods all day, the guide finally manages to get them into position as a deer feeds in a clearing. The first economist shoots and the shot goes far to the left. At almost the same time, the second economist shoots, only he misses far to the right. The third economist starts jumping up and down and yells, ôWe got it! We got it!ö"That was the law, as set down by Valen. Three castes: worker, religious, warrior."Comment
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Originally posted by WorkerCaste
Muahaha...and now the economist jokes floodeth.Comment
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I prefer engineer jokes
Such as...
to a pessimist the glass is half empty, to an optimist the glass is half full. To an engineer the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Phaze"There are no good wars. War is always the worst possible way to resolve differences. It degenerates and corrupts both sides to ever more sordid levels of existence, in their need to gain an advantage over the enemy. Those actively involved in combat are almost always damaged goods for the rest of their lives. If their bodies don't bear scars, their minds do, ofttimes both. Many have said it before, but it can't be said to enough, war is hell. "Comment
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A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
æÆExcuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I donÆt know where I am.ÆÆ
The woman below replied, æÆYouÆre in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. YouÆre between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.ÆÆ
æÆYou must be an engineer,ÆÆ said the balloonist. æÆI am,ÆÆ replied the woman, æÆHow did you know?ÆÆ
æÆWell,ÆÆ answered the balloonist, æÆeverything you told me is technically correct, but IÆve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is IÆm still lost. Frankly, youÆve not been much help at all. If anything, youÆve delayed my trip.ÆÆ
The woman below responded, æÆYou must be in management.ÆÆ
æÆI am,ÆÆ replied the balloonist, æÆbut how did you know?ÆÆ
æÆWell,ÆÆ said the woman, æÆyou donÆt know where you are or where youÆre going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which youÆve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, itÆs my fault.ÆÆThe Optimist: The glass is half full
The Pessimist: The glass is half empty
The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to beComment
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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$60,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"The Optimist: The glass is half full
The Pessimist: The glass is half empty
The Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to beComment
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Engineers, huh?
A comparative study was being done on how various professions approach problem solving. As an illustrative task, a mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each asked to find the volume of a childÆs red, rubber ball. The mathematician carefully measures the ball with calipers and calculates the volume based on the diameter. The physicist submerges the ball in a beaker of water and determines the volume by displacement. The engineer looks up the model number in his Red, Rubber Ball Desk Reference book.
BTW, GH. Really like the hot air ballon one.
"That was the law, as set down by Valen. Three castes: worker, religious, warrior."Comment
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Don't park your car in a Bush or a Quayle might fly over and Dukakis on your brand new Mercedes Benson.Recently, there was a reckoning. It occurred on November 4, 2014 across the United States. Voters, recognizing the failures of the current leadership and fearing their unchecked abuses of power, elected another party as the new majority. This is a first step toward preventing more damage and undoing some of the damage already done. Hopefully, this is as much as will be required.Comment
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That wasn't even a funny political joke.Originally posted by LessonInMachismo"I don't find myself in the same luxury as you. You grew up in freedom, and you can spit on freedom, because you don't know what it is not to have freedom." ---Ayaan Hirsi AliComment
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hmm funny political jokeOriginally posted by Karachi Vyce
George W BushComment
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